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2 emails designed to catch potential customers eyes... What could be changed for the better?

Occasional Participant

2 emails designed to catch potential customers eyes... What could be changed for the better?

These are 2  e-mail's that will be sent out to new or potential customers. We are a waste handling equipment company The one labeled service pm is for a specific program to enroll customers in and the other one labeled service work is to  build up our service dept. Thanks for taking a look.

service pm

 

Service work

7 REPLIES 7
Honored Contributor

Re: 2 emails designed to catch potential customers eyes... What could be changed for the better?

Hi Alex,


I checked out both emails. I thought the PM email lacked color and could have benefited from a bigger palette. I liked that it was short and to the point. I would have included the link to the checklist in the article block that mentions it.

 

My favorite part of the service work email was the "Did You Know" section. It's always great when you can share a little known fact or tip with your contacts.

 

I would watch out with the white text when using that template. The template's background is a background image and some email clients, like Outlook 2007, will not display them. If it does not display the background image, your background will be white and it will appear as if the email's  blank. Using a different color font or going into Global Colors and Fonts and changing the background color of the template  will prevent this issue from happening.

 

Thanks for sharing!

Jarrad

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Member

Re: 2 emails designed to catch potential customers eyes... What could be changed for the better?

Hi Alex, 

 

I wouls stay with the format on your first email.  You have to remeber you are sending this to potential customers. Or propecting. You really should only key on the Top 3 things you do.  The second email has to many words. Reading it I lost interest quickly.   You  should offer some type of incentive to get them do use your service.

 

It doesnt have to be a discount but maybe a service you do better than anyone else.

 

Other than that the email is good your on the right track.

 

Ed

Solution Provider

Re: 2 emails designed to catch potential customers eyes... What could be changed for the better?

In general, I would encourage you to make these shorter, so readers can see important info. at a glance. I liked the look and layout of service work a bit more, because the column format let me, as a reader, decide which topic was most relevant to me.

 

For service PM version, consider bolding key terms or phrases, so folks can see at a glance (2 seconds) what the gist is about.

 

Shorter, more frequent updates work best.

 

Resources:

Marketing Tips for Newsletters

 

Video on Successful Email Marketing

 

 

Occasional Participant

Re: 2 emails designed to catch potential customers eyes... What could be changed for the better?

This is the new version of service pm. It's still a draft so I hope the link works.  I left in the original text but I moved it around and added graphics.

Thanks to all of you for your feed back I'm lookiong forward to some more.

 

New service pm

Participating Solution Provider

Re: 2 emails designed to catch potential customers eyes... What could be changed for the better?

Alex,

 

The second version is looking better, however, these are some pointers you might want to consider:

  • Try to match the colors, look and feel to your website so that from a branding perspective, it works together
  • Include your websites' navigation bar
  • Write the copy more from the reader's perspective and use the word "we" fewer times
  • You list several features of your service, but not really the benefits to your prospects
  • Have the email "signed" as people like to deal with people, not companies

These are just some of the items that stand out - warning small sales pitch here: as a Constant Contact Solution Provider, we provide a low-cost, turn-key program to our clients for their email newsletters - you can learn more and see samples here: http://www.solutionsforgrowthllc.com/email_marketing.html

 

Happy to answer any of your questions.

 

All the best,

 

David Fischer | Solutions for Growth

914-533-7226

David Fischer
Solutions for Growth
Master Certified Solution Provider
Occasional Participant

Re: 2 emails designed to catch potential customers eyes... What could be changed for the better?

Dave,

Thanks for the suggestions. One thing is we are currently planning a wholesale overhaul of our website but I definitely will keep the color matching in mind on future emails. Also what do you mean by including the nav bar from the website?

Where would something like that go in the email?

 

Thanks agian for the help.

Highlighted
Participating Solution Provider

Re: 2 emails designed to catch potential customers eyes... What could be changed for the better?

Hi Alex,

 

Glad you found the feedback worthwhile.  You can see navigation bars in these emails:

 

http://archive.constantcontact.com/fs041/1104410920398/archive/1105491508743.html

 

http://archive.constantcontact.com/fs057/1101243720201/archive/1108125913457.html

 

And more information here: http://www.solutionsforgrowthllc.com/email_marketing.html

 

Best of luck and don't hesitate to get in touch if I can be of help.

 

David Fischer

Solutions for Growth

914-533-7226

David Fischer
Solutions for Growth
Master Certified Solution Provider