I did go in and look at your last campaign that was sent about the Summer Sale though. The campaign looks great, I like how you have kept consistent with colors and fonts to match your brand. I did notice that there was some extra white space between different blocks within your email. By shrinking this space it can help to tighten the email up and make it shorter. You also mention towards the beginning of this campaign that you can get "10% off..." I would maybe add, "check out the details" and use an anchor link to link to the bottom of the campaign where you have that coupon.
If you wanted to get the Community to take a look at a different email, you can either share it again or let me know the name of the email and I can add a screenshot for you.