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Please critique my campaign -7 perfect days in Paris

Occasional Visitor

Please critique my campaign -7 perfect days in Paris

T.E.L.L. Literary Travel Club
 
(Travel, Eat, Laugh, Learn)
Dear Sherry,
 
Do Paris with us October 2013 and explore the Black Paris experience.

 

Act now to take advantage of the 2012 pricing for this trip.7days in Paris with optional tours that include the Black Paris experience. Your $300 deposit is due September 1, 2012.( total price including air 2559.00 ).  TELL Literary Travel members have learned that travel is the best education to awaken a spirit of adventure and to see life from a
website pic
different perspective. This unique literary travel club offers its participants an opportunity to read, compare and travel with the ease and comfort from knowing what to expect,before they arrive..Our desire to educate our participants on travel is not limited to international exposure. In addition, to international travel, TELL Literary Travel Club previews and explores the similarities.of a sister city in the U.S.. For example, our 2013 trip to Paris, France will be coupled with New Orleans, La, where we will explore a new mode of transportation by
motorcoach..While in New Orleans we will explore the culture,architect and cuisine, while comparing the US and European differences.
Sign up now for our monthly newsletter and join our Literary travel Club at the introductory price of $125.00.and receive a free free travel book.
Here is the list of our component opportunities:
Wines-In this module, we will explore destination wines
Cuisine-In this module you will experience the flavor of international cuisine.
Culture-In this module you will learn how culture influences the society.
History of Religion-In this module, we will cover the basic religious traditions
that influences the society and everyday life.
Networking: In this module,you will have the opportunity to meet and
communicate with other members.  
Travel with our Literary Travel Club and discover a new vision of culture and life,to add to your list of unforgettable experiences..
 

 


or call our Travel Coach Sherry 708-824-TELL (8355)
4 REPLIES 4
Occasional Participant

Re: Please critique my campaign -7 perfect days in Paris

I'd like to see the paragraph broken up into important bullet points so I can read it better. I also like to see all the great things I will be doing before getting hit with the price tag. No explanation of Black Paris but maybe the mailing list knows already. Nice collage photo.

Occasional Visitor

Re: Please critique my campaign -7 perfect days in Paris

Thank you for your feedback..

Contributing Solution Provider

Re: Please critique my campaign -7 perfect days in Paris

Hi Sherry - Your copy needs to be more thorough and enticing accentuated with photographs.

I agree that the price needs to be elsewhere. It's a good idea to give them a basic price and ask them to call. I also assume the price is per person?

There are too many areas of copy that may be a turn off to some people. This email should be like fishing; let the reader nibble at the bait and then reel them in when they become more interested.

I would recommend short paragraphs and bullet points. You want the reader to put themselves in the copy and photos. Then make an offer they can receive when they call.

Let me know if you have any specific questions.

MarketingDoc

 

Constant Contact Solution Provider
Marketing Communications Specialist
www.marketingcommunicationsgroup.net
Need your marketing performance evaluated?

MD@DMCM.net
800-251-3608
Occasional Advisor

Re: Please critique my campaign -7 perfect days in Paris

Hi Sherry!! 

 

I don't know if it's that important to you but I couldn't help but notice your picture collage was of Italy not France. I also prefer bullets. 

 

Elena