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critique our lacrosse business email to the community

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Occasional Contributor

critique our lacrosse business email to the community

I could only copy and past the email.. the border background is black and the left column is actually red to match our logo which is on the top. 

 
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australian lacrossewarrior lacrossenz lacrossebrine larosse
 

Hello South Florida,

 

In 17 years Prime Time Sports Training has developed into the country's top programs currently located in New York, Los Angeles, Kansas City, Seattle, and now South Florida. The respect that we have earned is attributed to several things. PTST commitment pledge is a guarantee that each Athlete will have a positive learning experience. We'll work together on individual skills and team play. All aspects of the game are covered, and each Athlete is given the opportunity to develop his skills and knowledge of the game. Athletes are matched with players of similar age and ability to create a dynamic learning environment. Mentoring Athletes is also a major component at PTST. PTST is very proud for being responsible for placing 500 student athletes in college.

At PTSTwe use a step-by-step method. We must create for you a crystal-clear picture of what we are trying to teach through demonstration and explanation. You must understand clearly and be able to picture every single detail in your mind's eye. You must first see yourself performing successfully before you physically perform the task.

At this time the PTST lacrosse program is operating in a mobile capacity in hopes that we can have a chance to interact, develop, and mentor athletes from all across South Florida. We also believe by doing this we can assist families that may not be able to get to a particular location do to transportation issues.

When we discuss our staff at PTST, it is with great pride. We choose the best college coaches, collegiate All-Americans, and All-World players based on their ability to teach and relate to the campers of all ages and socio economic backgrounds. Their expertise and experience mean that our Players learn and practice up-to-date techniques in a competitive but supportive environment. In addition, our coaches are available for specialized one-on-one sessions that help target weaknesses and facilitate the quickest improvement. We know this can make all the difference in the success of a athletes experience.

Be a part of the PTST Global Lacrosse tradition, Compete, Travel, and take your game to the next level!

 

 

Lacrosse Specialty Clinics Boys & Girls

Lacrosse clinics will offer six different specialty areas depending on the day. The clinics are led by top players and coaches and will offer intense instruction on individual positional techniques.

 

Speed,Strength & Conditioning

Is our core foundation at PTST. This department is overseen by owner and founder of PTST Paolo Dell Aquila one of the Nations top sports performance coaches. In this clinic we will cover the skills it takes to increase speed, strength, and quickness. Tons of drills will be shown and demonstrated so that players can take the knowledge home to continue the process. Some of the tools used will be Harnesses , speed ladders, hurdles agility dots and jump ropes

 

Shooting

During the shooting segment we will cover inside, outside, time and room shooting, shooting form angles, changing planes, locations, and many other tricks of the trade. Players will literally get hundreds of reps throughout the session.

 

Dodging

Having trouble getting your hands free? During our dodging specialty clinic, players will be taught several different doges including split, inside roll, rocker, zig zag, and many more. The clinic will include tons of reps as well as full speed demos. You will receive tremendous individual instruction from some of the game's best.

Defense

During this clinic we will start by teaching defensive players the proper way to play position defense with your feet and show many drills to improve your individual foot speed. The athletes will learn to be placed in the best position possible to gain success in 1v1 and team defense situations.

Goaltending

During our goalie clinic some of the best players and teachers of the goalie position in the world will teach you basics individually as well as expert concepts on stopping, clearing, game awareness, agility, and proper warmup procedure. You will also see tons of reps from some of the top shooters around.

Faceoff & Stick Skills

We recommend our faceoff clinic strongly for all players, not only middies. Regardless of your position if you can face-off there is a spot for you on almost any team. We cover proper technique, timing, and the best way to adjust in game time situations. We will also focus hard on stick skills in this clinic with a heavy focus on off hand development.

 

GRADES: Boys and girls grades 1-12 GROUP PLACEMENT:Players are grouped initially by age, then moved according to size and ability.

 

 

1 REPLY 1
Honored Contributor

Re: critique our lacrosse business email to the community

Paolo,

 

It's hard to get a real feel for it without the color and missing graphics from the left column.  My first impression is that its a bit long and perhaps contains too much info that may be distracting from your message.

In my opinion different email requires different strategies.  Unlike a newsletter where you could create a longer piece with a few different sections, yours has more of a sales intention and as such needs to be much more to the point..

 

Here is a great rule for writing email like that.  " Assume the reader won't read past the first paragraph." This usually helps to force you to be more concise.  Try to get that opening to highlight your message and intended outcome.

 

In my humble opinion the initial typeface is a bit too large and taking up too much room above the fold of the piece.

 

If the sponsor icons on the left are not producing revenue consider replacing them with items more pertinent to your own training product like a photo or two of your most successful players and a brief endorsements.

 

The facebook icon is too large. ( Your facebook page could use a Constant Contact signup option as well.)

 

Consider reproducing the top of your newsletter to be more like your website to present a consistent website / newsletter branding. That looks like a fairly easy conversion. This way the top of your newsletter will have the same basic functionally as your website (without the JavaScript pulldowns).  You could include the links "our website" , "products - services"  and "more about us" there.

 

You might consider having the beginning content of your newsletter more closely match the subject.  If the subject line is going to be about your lacrosse training program then place that content at the top. Consider including an explanation of your company towards the bottom or introduce your company as the presenter of the training but do it in  a brief way that allows you to get to your offer more quickly.

 

i.e.  Primetime Sports Training,  a leader in athletic training programs is proud to present ........... then insert your lacrosse info.   Towards the bottom just put a smaller paragraph that explains your company and have that point to your website.

 

If you do want to stay with the opening you might want to look over the content, it needs a bit smoothing out as it  contains some grammatical errors. 

 

Consider some small to medium sized photos of a past program in session ( drills etc.)

 

It's also missing an obviouos "CALL TO ACTION".  Where is the sign up NOW button?  

 

Good luck with your training programs.

Go Jets....