Please Critique My Upcoming Campaign

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Please Critique My Upcoming Campaign

Hi Everyone,

 

I am semi-new to Constant Contact and am a recent college graduate. I am still learning the best practices for email campaigning and would appreciate some feedback on this email. This is the first email we send out to new contact, sort of an introduction email. A little background on our company, Relocation Strategies, is we do project management for companies relocating their business operations.

 

Please let me know of anything that I can do better or that I should do different.

Subject Line: [First Name], Considering a Corporate Relocation?

https://conta.cc/3cMRGyl

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Re: Please Critique My Upcoming Campaign

Hi DrewB190,

I looked at your email. What came to mind for me was

1) first and last call got me visualizing 2 calls to you and some to others in between. Seemed like a lot of work. Would you consider changing it to your first step?

2) You seem to be promising a whole lot of things that are not really in your control. I started thinking of magic beans. I would rather hear more realistic goals. For example you do not know what would constitute a burden for someone unless you spelled it out in a contract. My concern is that someone might try to get away with saying that you did not fulfill your part. Being more specific may be more reassuring for possible clients and safer for you. 

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